The Legend of Shaved Dog’s Ass

He walked into the squadron in the summer of '02
Since that time we've never been the same
This wingman who would soon become a legend in time
He never spoke so no one knew his name
But after his arrival there was never an empty
And always a fresh new batch of corn
The coffee was the best that your lips would ever taste
And the shitter was always filled with porn

He rode into battle with his back against the sun
He saved us all for we knew he was the one

His name was Shaved Dog's Ass
The greatest of wingmen was he
He only said, 2, lead you're on fire and save the fat one for me

We soon went off to war and the fighting was intense
The enemy snuck up from the hills
He always got the tally first but never did he shoot
Just sat back as flight leads got the kills
He never would complain when lead would fuck him over
The thought never even crossed his mind
Sixty-nine times they notched press at night, lights out, no moon
Shaved Dog's Ass - not once did he go blind

Repeat Chorus

With victory secured we set out on the town
To celebrate this war's final end
We came upon some ladies who were looking for heroes
But only if we had one for their friend
She stood six feet tall three hundred pounds - more facial hair than me
You could say she was a football coach's dream
We all jumped back in horror as we started to abort
Shaved Dog's Ass stood up and took one for the team

He rode into battle with his back against the sun
He saved us all for we knew he was the one

That was the last we ever saw of the world's greatest wingman
I'd like to think he's watching us from above
Or maybe he's just sitting on some tropical island
He and Sasquatch happily in love
I think about him often when I'm eating shitty corn
And the coffee is burnt to the glass
So to all you wingman out there who are looking to be the best
Just heed the lesson of the legend of Shaved Dog's Ass

Repeat Chorus