How You Gonna Keep ‘Em Down On The Farm

Reuben, Reuben, I’ve been thinking,”
said his wifey dear;
“Now that all is peaceful and calm,
soon our boys will be back on the farm.”
Mister Reuben started winking,
and slowly rubbed his chin;
he pulled his chair up close to Mother,
asked her with a grin:

How ya gonna keep 'em down, oh no?
How ya gonna keep 'em down, oh no, oh no
How ya gonna keep 'em away from Broadway?
Jazzin' around,
and painting the town?
How ya gonna keep 'em
away from harm?
That’s the mystery;

They’ll never want to see a rake or a plow,
and who the deuce can parley-vous a cow?
And how ya gonna keep ’em down on the farm
after they’ve seen Paris?

“Reuben, Reuben, you’re mistaken,”
said his wifey dear;
“Once a farmer, always a jay, and
farmers always stick to the hay.”
“Mother Reuben, I’m not fakin',
though you may think it strange.
But wine and women play the mischief,
with a boy who’s loose with change!”

Oh, how ya gonna keep ’em down,
oh no, oh no
oh, how ya gonna keep 'em down?
How ya gonna keep 'em away from Broadway?
Jazzin' around,
and painting the town?
How ya gonna keep ’em away from harm?
that’s the mystery

Imagine Reuben when he meets his pa;
he'll pinch his cheek and holler Ooh la la!
How you gonna keep 'em down on the farm
after they've seen Paris, Paris?