You Kicked My Dog
Daughter:
Hello.
Hello.
Kerpal:
Hello, is Abtar there?
Hello, is Abtar there?
Daughter:
Who?
Who?
Kerpal:
Abtar.
Abtar.
Daughter:
Can I ask who's speaking please?
Can I ask who's speaking please?
Kerpal:
This is Kerpal.
This is Kerpal.
Daughter:
Who?
Who?
Kerpal:
Kerpal.
Kerpal.
Daughter:
OK, one moment please.
[Daughter calls Abtar . . .]
OK, one moment please.
[Daughter calls Abtar . . .]
Abtar:
Hello.
Hello.
Kerpal:
Hello.
Hello.
Abtar:
Hi there.
Hi there.
Kerpal:
Hi, I was just calling because I live down the street from you, and your daughter come to my house today and she kick my dog.
Hi, I was just calling because I live down the street from you, and your daughter come to my house today and she kick my dog.
Abtar:
Pardon?
Pardon?
Kerpal:
Your daughter come to my house today,
Your daughter come to my house today,
Abtar:
Uh huh
Uh huh
Kerpal:
And she come on my property and then she kick my dog. And now my dog needs operation.
And she come on my property and then she kick my dog. And now my dog needs operation.
Abtar:
She kicked your?
She kicked your?
Kerpal:
She kicked my dog!
She kicked my dog!
Abtar:
She kicked your dog?
She kicked your dog?
Kerpal:
Yes.
Yes.
Abtar:
Which daughter?
Which daughter?
Kerpal:
The one who just answered the phone
The one who just answered the phone
[Abtar checks with his daughter . . .]
Abtar:
No.
No.
Kerpal:
What?
What?
Abtar:
No.
No.
Kerpal:
Yes she did. I saw her. And then I go to I saw her at your house. And, why did she do it?
Yes she did. I saw her. And then I go to I saw her at your house. And, why did she do it?
Abtar:
I don't know. She didn't said.
I don't know. She didn't said.
Kerpal:
She did! She's lying. She's lying to you, f**king guy!
She did! She's lying. She's lying to you, f**king guy!
Abtar:
Where, where from you speaking?
Where, where from you speaking?
Kerpal:
I am speaking from my house.
I am speaking from my house.
Abtar:
Where you live?
Where you live?
Kerpal:
Down the street from you.
Down the street from you.
Abtar:
Huh?
Huh?
Kerpal:
You know where I live. My dog, she kicked it and now I'm going to f**k her!
You know where I live. My dog, she kicked it and now I'm going to f**k her!
Abtar:
[mumbles]... ohhhh, you lie I dunno ..
[mumbles]... ohhhh, you lie I dunno ..
Kerpal:
Don't lie, you f**king guy.
Don't lie, you f**king guy.
Abtar:
Hey . why? Don't talk like that!
Hey . why? Don't talk like that!
Kerpal:
F**k you! You know damn right what she do!
F**k you! You know damn right what she do!
Abtar:
Where do you live and who kicked your dog?
Where do you live and who kicked your dog?
Kerpal:
Your daughter kicked my dog.
Your daughter kicked my dog.
Abtar:
Which daughter?
Which daughter?
Kerpal:
YOU KNOW DAMN RIGHT!!!.......[quietly].... you bastard
YOU KNOW DAMN RIGHT!!!.......[quietly].... you bastard
[Mumbling in background, daughter comes back to phone]
Daughter:
Hello.
Hello.
Kerpal:
Hello.
Hello.
Daughter:
Yeah?
Yeah?
Kerpal:
Why you kick my dog?
Why you kick my dog?
Daughter:
Hello, can I ask who's speaking please?
Hello, can I ask who's speaking please?
Kerpal:
You know damn right! It's Kerpal. It's Kerpal.
You know damn right! It's Kerpal. It's Kerpal.
Daughter:
Who's Kerpal? We don't know Kerpal.
Who's Kerpal? We don't know Kerpal.
Kerpal:
Yes, you do. You kick my dog today.
Yes, you do. You kick my dog today.
Daughter:
Dog?!
Dog?!
Kerpal:
Dog!
Dog!
Daughter:
We don't even... No one's ever been at...
We don't even... No one's ever been at...
Kerpal:
You don't act stupid. You tell your Dad that I am going to sue him. He is going to go to jail.
You don't act stupid. You tell your Dad that I am going to sue him. He is going to go to jail.
Daughter:
OK, where the hell do you live?
OK, where the hell do you live?
Kerpal:
I live on your street.
I live on your street.
Daughter:
On my street?
On my street?
Kerpal:
You know!
You know!
Daughter:
You say that one of us have kicked your dog?
You say that one of us have kicked your dog?
Kerpal:
Yes.
Yes.
Daughter:
Where abouts do you live?
Where abouts do you live?
Kerpal:
You know damn right!!
You know damn right!!
Daughter:
No, we do not know damn right! We don't even know you.
No, we do not know damn right! We don't even know you.
Kerpal:
[under breath] Yes you do.
[under breath] Yes you do.
Daughter:
Why? Where the hell do you live?
Why? Where the hell do you live?
Kerpal:
[under breath] You don't ask dumb question.
[under breath] You don't ask dumb question.
Daughter:
Do you live on Marative?
Do you live on Marative?
Kerpal:
No, you just shut up! You try to confuse! I am going to call the police, and then, you're going to go to jail.
No, you just shut up! You try to confuse! I am going to call the police, and then, you're going to go to jail.
Daughter:
You damn right call the police because we don't know what the hell-
You damn right call the police because we don't know what the hell-
Kerpal:
You do not tell me 'damn right'. You do not swear at me [under breath] I am going to kill you.
You do not tell me 'damn right'. You do not swear at me [under breath] I am going to kill you.
Daughter:
You're going to kill us!?
You're going to kill us!?
Kerpal:
No, not, I'm just kidding! You just tell your Dad that I am going to get my lawyer and he is going to rush you!
No, not, I'm just kidding! You just tell your Dad that I am going to get my lawyer and he is going to rush you!
Daughter:
[says to background] I don't know who the hell he is. [back to Kerpal] OK, you just go ahead, okay, because we don't know what the f**k you're talking about.
[says to background] I don't know who the hell he is. [back to Kerpal] OK, you just go ahead, okay, because we don't know what the f**k you're talking about.
Kerpal:
You don't ever tell me to 'f**k'! You say bad word!
You don't ever tell me to 'f**k'! You say bad word!
Daughter:
Well you talk to us this way when you have no proof . . .
Well you talk to us this way when you have no proof . . .
Kerpal:
F**k you, you, you do not tell me f**k you! OK you? You know!
F**k you, you, you do not tell me f**k you! OK you? You know!
Daughter:
Please just get lost okay, because we're fed up.
Please just get lost okay, because we're fed up.
Kerpal:
F**k you. You are going to jail.
F**k you. You are going to jail.
Daughter:
We don't know who the hell you are and you're phoning us with all these obscene-
We don't know who the hell you are and you're phoning us with all these obscene-
Kerpal:
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You shut up you!
Daughter:
Don't tell me to shut up, I did not -
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You shut up you!
Daughter:
Don't tell me to shut up, I did not -
Kerpal:
Shut up! You stink!
Shut up! You stink!
Daughter:
Oh, you stink too!
Oh, you stink too!
Kerpal:
No, you don't -
No, you don't -
Daughter:
You stink too!
You stink too!
Kerpal:
I do not stink!
I do not stink!
Daughter:
I think you do!
I think you do!
Kerpal:
F**k you, just because I am paki doesn't mean I stink!
F**k you, just because I am paki doesn't mean I stink!
[she hangs up]