Val Kilmer

I always thought my movie
would be a comedy
not quite the tragedy that its become
more slapstick than chick-flick
more Caddyshack than Breakfast At Tiffany's
So, thank me at the podium, for a lifetime of contributions
turn on the cameras
someone cue the extras
hair and makeup to the set

Because the big screen's callin'
final casting call
it's your big shot baby your the next big star
of another stupid movie 'bout a guy with a broken heart
it's fallin' apart
headed for the cutting room floor
and in the sequel honey I'm the guy who gets the girl

So if you miss my movie,
get the DVD
Check out the chemistry
between you and me
Less 'Raising Arizona',
More 'Steel Magnolias'.
So when you walk down that red carpet
I hope you trip and fall
I hope someone squirts you with a watergun,
a super soaker filled with pee

Because the big screen's callin'
final casting call
It's you're big shot baby your the next big star
of another stupid movie about a guy with a broken heart
it's fallin' apart
You're headed for the cutting room floor
and in the sequel honey I'm the guy who gets the girl

All apologies
to Kevin Costner and that chick from Monster,
give me Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, Belushi and even Val Kilmer.
He was funny in 'Real Genius'
(What about 'Top Gun'?)
(No, 'Top Gun' wasn't funny)
(Whatever!)
'Top Secret' was funny too,
but he sucked as 'Batman'.

and now the big screen's callin'
final casting call
It's your big shot baby you're the next big star
of another dumb movie about a guy with a broken heart
I'm fallin apart

Steven Spielberg's calling and he's sending a car
its your big shot baby you're the next big star
of another stupid movie about a guy with a broken heart
is fallin' apart
You're headed for the cutting room floor
and in the sequel honey I'm the guy who gets the girl

Who gets the girl
I'm the guy that gets the girl